When you no longer need to survive, how do you live?

The last four years of my life have been amazing, we saw the birth of two of our three children, we bought a new home, we made friends, but also it was some of the most difficult of my life.  When we moved away from the only home I had even known five years ago, I had no idea that it would turn out to be one of the best decision of our lives. For many, many reasons. But for the purpose of this blog there is only one we need to think of. Moving away did something to me, I didn’t even know it happened, until I had opened my mouth and told a room full of women my secret.  Sometimes I look back and still can’t believe it happened. I can not explain how happy I am that I did, but, it was also the start of the most difficult journey of my life.  A journey of healing, of self discovery and sadly, of pain.  Now more than fours years later I don’t regret what I did that day, or the decision I had to make after.

However, it has caused a lot of issues.  It hasn’t been easy and I am still in the thick of it.  Which is why I thought maybe it was time to write a blog.  Why not right? I am on a journey of self discovery. So aren’t blogs what people do when they are in similar shoes as mine?  Maybe I should explain what I mean by a journey of self discovery.

Going thru what I am going thru is complicated to say the least. But one of the most complicated things that have come up is the fact that I have no idea what I like.  Like literally, NO IDEA! I don’t even know what my favorite color is.  I don’t know how to make decisions based on what I want, not what others need me to do.  I guess I do know a few things.

  1. I love my husband. So much. SO SO SO much! He is my rock, and he knows who I am, even when I do not.
  2. I love my kids.  They make me so happy and without them I would have no idea at all who I am.
  3. My sister is my best friend and she is the strongest women in the whole world.
  4. My friends are the best people in the world (sorry rest of the world, but honestly they are amazing!) they have always had my back and love me for me!

But, that is all I know! So now I am in a really weird predicament. I have to figure out who I really am and what I really like, while I live the life I am in. I am a mother of three beautiful, smart, creative, spunky, silly, cleaver and adventurous kids. I am a wife to an amazing, caring, supportive man. I am a sister to a women I look up too, who I love and who means the world to me. I am a friend to many people who have literally help keep me together more times then I can count. I am me, I just don’t know what the means yet. So this should be fun. Right?

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2 thoughts on “When you no longer need to survive, how do you live?

  1. Saying I am me is the strongest step towards knowing you. Realizing what you want and need not what others expect you to want or need. You are in a far better place than most people 0-100 cause you are aware of the need to do and want things for you, not for society or for someone.

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