Light

Last night I had the amazing honor of speaking at a Gala Event for The Mustard Seed.  About one year ago I started a non profit called the Diaper Lady after hearing how few diapers the Mustard Seed where able to give families in need. It has grown into this amazing beautiful thing, that helps so many people.  I collect all donations and bring them into the Mustard Seed.  We have partnered with companies and are growing so quickly.  It is honestly so amazing to see that this little idea of mine has become something so large.  I am so proud of it and can’t wait to see what it will become.  But last night two things happened that taught me something.

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The first was seeing a photo of my husband that a friend took as I was speaking. He looked so proud, so happy.  The Diaper Lady was something I started that he has had to live with.  It effects our lives in a big way as it is constant.  We are always picking up donations or having our house and garage full of dropped off donations.  He helps me with no questions asked.  But until last night I kinda thought it was an inconvenience to him.  But after seeing this photo I now know its more then that too him.  He is actually proud of me and the strength this has given me.  He got to be Mr. Diaper Lady last night, and laughed when people jokingly called him that.  He was actually proud to be my husband.  He loves me so deeply that he  has for the last year put up with a house full of donations and what is more a women who has not hid away from her truth.  Which brings me to the second thing that happened last night.

Last night I went on stage in front of about 350 people and told them that I am a survivor of childhood sexual violence.  When I first started talking about my past I was so shameful and embarrassed.  I felt so gross talking about it.  But it was my truth and a truth that needed to be spoken about.  I didn’t want people to look at me differently, or think badly amount me.  I didn’t want them to think I was gross or it was my fault.  Or really anything bad. But slowly I have realized that, that fear was in my own head.  So last night as I was on stage I was able to explain to this room full of people that I started the Diaper Lady to help me heal.  How doing this has become a light in my life.  That even during the pain, the seriously dark pain, you can heal.  You can get thru it.  For me doing charity work helped me to get out of my own head.  It helped me to see that the world is good.  That even though my childhood was hard, and even though as an adult I am still dealing with the ramifications of these acts, I too can get better.  I too can see the light in people.  The world isn’t all bad.  People are actually good.

So if you are in my shoes.  If you are reading this in a place of pain, in darkness, in sadness.  Please try and find something, literally anything that you can find some light in.  If it is your husbands smile while he looks at you, or charity work, or dying your hair, or coloring, or reading, or vacationing, or well honestly ANYTHING, just find something to remind you that the whole world isn’t dark.  There is light.  I promise.

 

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